Jonathan Switzer: The Fear of Man

Now we come to it. Surely, this is one of the great struggles of my life. It simply does not get any more personal than this.

As a young boy, I went to a small Christian school. My parents drove the forty miles to and from school each day. My father even taught at the school for a period of time. Prayer had been removed from the public schools and many Christians had immediately responded by removing their children as well.

However, that meant that many of these schools were just starting up from scratch. They were the pioneers of the modern Christian school movement. They wanted to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and as such they would do whatever it took. How would they pay for the teachers and school buildings? Well, they would just have to figure that out as they went along. After all, no one actually planned for prayer to be removed from schools.

Nevertheless, the public school in my neighborhood had decided to advocate “noveau” teaching styles. They were “experimenting” with “open classrooms” hoping to transcend the “hierarchialism” of the Dark Christian Ages of Europe, or some such nonsense. It was time for my parents to pull me out.

This meant that I was traveling to a school 40 minutes away with classmates who did not live nearby. I could not go home in the afternoon and run outside and play with my classmates.

For that reason and others, coupled with my own sinful pride and selfishness, I struggled to make friends in my early years. I wanted friends and felt that I had none. I began to believe the deception that I should live to try to please people. Any kid that came by was a good candidate for me to try to please; the kids at school, others in the neighborhood. I lost my sense of internal compass. Even with my own brothers, I just wanted to make them happy.

Also, I became a bed-wetter (til the third grade). I wanted attention and did not know how to get it. During this time, I had a teacher who made fun of me in front of the class for needing to go to the bathroom too often (in third grade students should be legitimately learning to go only at the breaks; later we realized I had a small bladder). My confidence was in the tank.

I became a full blooded man-pleaser.

This brings us back to Job. Job’s friends had very strong opinions. If Job were a lesser man, there is a strong possibility that he would not have been able to counter their arguments. If Job had been a man-pleaser, he would have been lost.

The intensity of Job’s friend’s accusations was Ivy-league debate level. It was… intense. Remember, Job is in pain, physically and emotionally. Yet, he refuses to be subservient to his friend’s peer pressure. Despite the pain, shame and embarrassment of his diseased, impoverished state, he keeps his internal compass on the Lord. He knows that something is wrong and he refuses to bow to his friends.

Job resisted the peer pressure. He wanted to deal with God. His friends could say what they wanted, Job was a God-pleaser.

A man pleaser does not base his sense of right and wrong on daily interaction with God and God’s laws. Rather, he bases his sense of right and wrong on what others will think. He is always running around trying to get people to like him. He does not tend to feel he is allowed to have a strong opinion of his own. Rather, he borrows other’s opinions in hopes it will promote his popularity. He fears being considered foolish, dumb or insignificant by others.

This happened to me.

Pleasing Man
It was a fluke afternoon. I must have been 7 or 8. We were playing together up in the woods behind the townhouses. Suddenly, my friends and I happened upon a box full of adult magazines.

Immediately, I knew there was something wrong with it. Sure, I was quite curious, to say the least. Nevertheless, my neighborhood guy friends were there and based on my read of them, I felt like I should act as though this was cool. As a result, my desire to please my friends sucked me right in. Satan’s trap was sprung.

“The fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe (Prov. 29:25).”

Over the next couple of weeks, without our parents knowing anything, my friends and I would often go to our “stash”. An ugly vice was introduced into my heart. Though, our consciences finally led us to throw the stash away, we had been bit by an ugly spiritual disease.

Around the same time, another neighborhood playmate had pulled an “adult” magazine out from under his bed. “Don’t worry, my dad won’t mind, he has more in his bedroom,” he said. Again, my desire to please my friends, together with my own lust, trapped me into an ugly sinful snare. We drank in the pictures. It was the beginnings of a struggle that I would have for some time.

I was making moral decisions not based on my desire to please God, but rather a desire to please friends; and to please myself. I was afraid of people instead of God.

The Pressure for Job to Conform
Job, on the other hand, was a righteous man. He firmly looked to God and God alone for guidance. He desired only to please the Lord. He gives us a good lesson about standing firm on your convictions, even when everyone is against you.

I wish I had better understood, when I was younger, such firm confidence in the Lord. My fear of man had made me vulnerable to the enemy’s work. Many valuable years were wasted serving the fear of man. It was unfortunate. God’s grace alone has brought me back to a place of strength in God.

When Job’s friends lay the pressure on, claiming that Job was sinful and God was judging him for his sin, Job refuses to back down. It was no small task to do so. His friends laid the guilt and peer pressure on thick and heavy.

Listen to what Eliphaz said, “(Job 4:2-6) "If someone ventures a word with you, will you be impatient? But who can keep from speaking? 3 Think how you have instructed many, how you have strengthened feeble hands. 4 Your words have supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees. 5 But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged; it strikes you, and you are dismayed. 6 Should not your piety be your confidence and your blameless ways your hope?”

Now, it is true that friends should “speak the truth in love.” (Eph 4:15) It is also true that the, “wounds of a friend are faithful, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” (Prov. 27:6) Further, “as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” (Prov. 27:17)

But that is my point. If Job’s friends or any of our friends are to be a help to us, we need to be able to push back with them. We must be diligent to exercise our own conscience and share what we think is true or not true. We must not allow a man-pleasing mentality cause us to say things just to “please” one another. We must take care not to “multiply” kisses. We must not be afraid of conflict. Fear of rejection, or fear of conflict, will ultimately be a snare to our souls.

Again, this does not mean that in the name of “being true to ourselves” we should go around starting quarrels. “The Lord’s servant must not quarrel.” (2 Tim. 2:24) Rather, it means that we not let fear of man cause us to avoid sharing what we know to be true in God.

This could happen in so many areas: speaking the truth to our boss at work; drawing a moral line about white collar crimes; drawing a line about abortion or sexual immorality; speaking honestly to our spouses about finances, kids; evangelism etc.. There comes a time when a believer must take a stand in the truth. In that moment, the fear of man can cause us to blink and miss the moment; to compromise the truth; to give in to fear and lash out angrily instead of standing firmly, speaking the truth in love.

Sifting the good and bad
Further, Job’s friends are both sincere and often saying true things about God, the righteous and the wicked. This made Job’s job that much more difficult. He had to sift through the good and the bad. Then he had to examine his heart afresh. Then he had to back his friends off and share his convictions on the matter; agreeing with what was right and correcting what was wrong.

The biggest miss of his friend’s counsel and advice was their belief that Job had sinned. However, they also miss several other key elements of God’s character. In the process of accusing Job, they say many truths about God. They also say some things that are wrong.

The toughest peer pressure is facing the lies that sound like the truth or have a lot of truth in them. All it takes is a little lie to mess everything up.

Not Bowing to Peer Pressure – Satanic Accusations
Job knows that he is not guilty. He has searched his conscience and it is clean. He knows before God that he does not deserve the cruel, meaningless suffering he was facing. His friends, however, vehemently disagree. Bildad says, (Job 8:2) "How long will you say such things? Your words are a blustering wind.” And then, (Job 8:20) "Surely God does not reject a blameless man or strengthen the hands of evildoers.”

Can you hear the accusation of wrongdoing? It was not the time for Job to falter. It was time for him to speak forthrightly. In fact, God recorded Job’s responses for all the rest of humankind to read. Thank God, Job does not falter.

Again, listen to Bildad’s baseless accusation that Job’s children must have been guilty of wrong-doing, (Job 8:4) “When your children sinned against him (God), he gave them over to the penalty of their sin.” Talk about a hit in the face. Job’s children had been killed a fluke windstorm that collapsed a house on them. It was not their sin but Satan’s unjust attack.

Quite simply, an accusation about my kids might probably have shaken my confidence. In fact, the more confident someone else sounds, the more likely I would have been to stop and listen. They must be right, I mean, listen to how sure they sound!

This is Satan’s deceptive strategy. By arrogantly accusing us of wrong-doing, he causes us to blink when we need to stand firm. In that moment, when we blink, he sneaks powerful temptations and sins into our lives; right through the hole our insecurity provides.

Zophar almost sounds like Satan’s hit man as he says to Job, (Job 11:2ff) "Are all these words to go unanswered? Is this talker (Job) to be vindicated? 3 Will your idle talk reduce men to silence? Will no one rebuke you when you mock? 4 You say to God, 'My beliefs are flawless and I am pure in your sight.' 5 Oh, how I wish that God would speak, that he would open his lips against you 6 and disclose to you the secrets of wisdom, for true wisdom has two sides. Know this: God has even forgotten some of your sin. 7 Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? 8 They are higher than the heavens-what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave-what can you know? 9 Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea.”

Feel the deceptive pressure: Job’s friends must be right. Their firm rebuke must be right. They say so much that is true, surely it must all be true.

If it were me, I would very likely have been thinking, I must be wrong. I should quit trusting my conscience. I should change so that I make them happy. I must be the problem.

Job refuses to give in to such a man-pleasing attitude.

Eventually, Eliphaz ruthlessly goes after Job’s very character, (Job 15:2-13) "Would a wise man answer with empty notions or fill his belly with the hot east wind? 3 Would he argue with useless words, with speeches that have no value? 4 But you even undermine piety and hinder devotion to God. 5 Your sin prompts your mouth; you adopt the tongue of the crafty. 6 Your own mouth condemns you, not mine; your own lips testify against you.”

Now remember, Job is vindicated at the end of the book. God commands Job’s friends to apologize to Job for not saying what was right. Nevertheless, in the midst of the discussion/debate (Considering its intensity, it was certainly no casual chat over tea) Job is experiencing Olympic level peer pressure; world class, confident arguments. What would you do in such a situation? Run and hide? Give in and compromise your conscience?

Not Job.

The Wicked Man Flees Though No One Pursues
Now, my parents were attentive. They could tell that I was struggling with some things in this particular Christian school (as were my brothers). They decided to get me out of the school and try another option. I praise God for their wisdom.

Nevertheless, my pride and selfishness held on to the desire to try to please people. I hit high school and kept trying to please people. Though, I felt like I failed to have friends in elementary school, in high school all of that seemed to change. I had a great group of friends. I was athletic and popular. Yet still, because I had become a man-pleaser, I lacked peace and tended to be driven by a desire to please my peers.

This is not to say that I didn’t exert some godly influence on my friends. God, through Christ, was working in my heart and teaching me very important things. Nevertheless, I had not dealt with the root; a man-pleasing, sinful mentality. Eventually, it led me to make compromises when dating that further undermined my character before God.

The fear of man was still proving to be a snare in my life.

Job, on the other hand, maintains his fear of God alone. He persistently asserts his innocence under the most intense of false accusations from his friends. He will not bow to their slander. He takes it from his friends in ways that leave me breathless as I read. (Job 18:1) Then Bildad the Shuhite replied: 2 "When will you end these speeches? Be sensible, and then we can talk. 3 Why are we regarded as cattle and considered stupid in your sight? 4 You who tear yourself to pieces in your anger, is the earth to be abandoned for your sake? Or must the rocks be moved from their place?”

Eventually, however, Bildad and Zophar seem to back off. Zophar said, “(Job 20:1) "My troubled thoughts prompt me to answer because I am greatly disturbed. 3 I hear a rebuke that dishonors me, and my understanding inspires me to reply." We can hear a softness here in Zophar’s words. He seems to be starting to wonder if he should back off. Though, as he is still not sure, he speaks his mind. It is still an attack against Job.

But, then, Eliphaz goes for the throat. He goes after Job, “(Job 22:1) "Can a man be of benefit to God? Can even a wise man benefit him? 3 What pleasure would it give the Almighty if you were righteous? What would he gain if your ways were blameless? 4 "Is it for your piety that he rebukes you and brings charges against you? 5 Is not your wickedness great? Are not your sins endless? 6 You demanded security from your brothers for no reason; you stripped men of their clothing, leaving them naked. 7 You gave no water to the weary and you withheld food from the hungry, 8 though you were a powerful man, owning land- an honored man, living on it. 9 And you sent widows away empty-handed and broke the strength of the fatherless. 10 That is why snares are all around you, why sudden peril terrifies you, 11 why it is so dark you cannot see, and why a flood of water covers you.”

Remember the verse about boldness from Proverbs 28:1? “The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.” Job stands boldly through all of this. His friends attempt to cow him into submission. They rebuke, argue and blame. But Job shows what a righteous man does. He searches his heart before God, speaks his mind and firmly stands his ground.

Paul puts it this way, (1 Cor. 2:15) “The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man’s judgment.” Christ, we are told handled it this way, “(John 2:24-25) But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men. 25 He did not need man's testimony about man, for he knew what was in a man.”

We need God’s testimony about us, not man’s testimony about us.

None of this is should be interpreted to mean that we are allowed to be arrogant and independent in our beliefs. We are still called to “submit to one another”, we just do it “out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21). We still need to “not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing.” (Heb 10:25) We still “bear one another’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2) and “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another” (James 5:16).

Instead, it simply means that when it comes to standing in the truth, we do it not to please others or ourselves, but to please God alone. We need to watch our life and doctrine closely. Ultimately, we simply are not accountable to man but to God.

King David recognized this when he confessed his sin with Bathsheeba to God. He says, “against you and you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.” (Psalm 51:4) God is the one to whom we are accountable. We need to fear Him alone.

Learning To Fear God Alone
I give much thanks to my Mom and Dad’s prayers and wise counsel through all those years. It was in college for me when the Lord began to pierce my heart with what it meant to live to please God alone and quit trying to please people (though at times, I can feel the temptation to slip into my old ways). I was a resident adviser on my wing. That meant, among other things, that I was responsible for making sure that everyone was present at the required twice-a-week chapel services.

We RA’s (resident advisers) had been told by the Dean of Men to make sure that we were keeping close tabs on both chapel absences as well as those sleeping through the chapel service (which was counted as an absence). It was basically a three strikes rule; after the third time, a fine was applied.

Legalistic college rules aside, sure enough, that week, I had two wing mates sleeping through the service. I knew I had to mark them absent. I figured I had better let them know sooner than later; just after the service I called them over and told them. As 3,500 students were filing out of the chapel to lunch or their next class, one of these “sleeper” students exploded, I mean exploded, in anger at me. It was his third strike. He took out his anger at me, accusing me of all sorts of wrong-doing, in front of everyone going by.

Til then, being an RA had been a real intensive trial for a man-pleaser like me. There were many regulations I was responsible to uphold that certain types of students disliked. However, in that moment, as the student blew up with as much ferocity as he could muster, in front of all our fellow students passing by, something clicked in me. I realized that I did not need to be accepted by everyone. I realized that God’s favor was enough to keep me secure. He was the only one I needed to please. He would take care of my reputation and surround me with true friends.

Later that very day, I spent some time with the Lord. He opened my heart anew to what it meant to live to please Him alone. The freedom was joyous and peace beyond understanding. God taught me lessons from His word that day that still strengthen me.

I have not been without temptations and slips along with my new found victory over the fear of man. Nevertheless, that day, part of the old man in me died. The sinful desire to please others, as opposed to living to please God, slipped into the grave. I was now free to do unto others as I would have them do to me. I was free to love without chains. I was free to serve God alone.

Summary
Job was an upright and blameless man who feared God and shunned evil. He never wavered once in his debate with his friends. He took their accusations, their ferocity and their slander with a deep assurance that he needed to get something worked out with God alone. He firmly backed them off and spoke what he knew to be true before God.

God honored Job’s fortitude.

I wonder at times how Job could have been so confident. How could he have maintained his composure and not started to doubt himself? We get a hint in Job 28:28 when Job says, “The fear of the Lord – that is wisdom”

Job got it. He understood. He lived free from the fear of man. He lived in the fear of God. He says this to his friends, Job 21:4 “Is my complaint directed to a man?” No, it was not. He dealt with God. He went to God alone to get His answers. When everyone around him was confused he stayed steadfast in his appeal directly to the one who “has the power to throw you into hell.” (Luke 12:5)

Without going into it in depth here, we should remember that perfect love casts out fear. The fear of the Lord, really is fear. However, as we are sanctified the fear of the Lord grows into a full awareness of God’s faithful love. When we are glorified, the fear of the Lord will be expressed only through a deep, enduring submission to God coupled with a mutual relationship of love, joy and peace that transcends fear and doubt on earth. I am not sure that I have words to express the dynamic tension involved.

For now, the fear of the Lord sets us free from the fear of man or Satan. It’s a beautiful thing, when it does.

Application
Do you live trying to please everyone in your life? Your spouse? Your children? Your boss and co-workers? Brothers and sisters?

Take the time to measure how badly any of those people could hurt you compared to God. Think through the limits of hurt that rejection by any one of those people would bring. Not even Satan can hurt you worse than God. Consider the eternal implications of God’s power and decisions. Meditate on these things daily. Is there really any reason to fear those people more than God?

Not really. It is not logical to fear man more than God. It makes no sense. Remember, though we need to fear God, His will for us is good all the time. He is love.

Let God invade your thinking with the magnitude of His power. Let Him set you free from trying to please people; set you free from the fear of man.

Join me in saying no the fear of man and yes to the fear of the Lord.